


Colours of Autumn

by crunchturtles



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Incest, M/M, Sibling Incest, Taboo, Twincest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:01:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24509590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crunchturtles/pseuds/crunchturtles
Summary: It's easy to love your brother, but not when it comes in another form that's despised by the public.The Miya twins go through self discovery and learn to survive in a world they cannot change.Say hello to the unholy pairing of AtsuOsa.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu & Miya Osamu, Miya Atsumu/Miya Osamu
Comments: 21
Kudos: 257





	Colours of Autumn

  
  


Kissing him under the warm glow of the late afternoon sun was an ethereal scene.

Under the amber themed, increasingly colder days of autumn, his hair and his eyes matched perfectly with the scenery. Light that streamed in from the muted sun in soft rays left a tinge of sparkling gold in his hair that fell over his peacefully closed eyelids, illuminating his pale porcelain skin. Osamu can't help but brush them aside with careful fingers, unwittingly caressing the light blonde strands between his thumb and index to admire the softness of those locks and think how unfair it was, the way his brother looked so graceful even in his sleep.

Atsumu has all the colours of the seasons. 

In the winter he's a captivating shade of crisp, cool icy blue- sharp eyes that observed more intensely, his already coquettish personality getting more provocative, his tone getting slightly sharper and frostier. He likes to use the cold as an excuse to increase physical contact; and his cheeks tend to flush a pinkish hue, amplified by his messy and careless draping of scarves that failed to cover his face enough to provide ample warmth.

He's a bright flurry of green and pink in spring, melodious voice singing with the birds and laughing with the trees that whispered in response to his merry greetings with their rustling leaves in the wind. Cherry blossom lips leave playful pink marks on pale skin; fingers dance carefree as they leave trails of goosebumps where they passed.

In the summer he turns a more mellow brown, perhaps worn down by the near unbearable heat. His movements get lazier and just a tad bit gentler, not on the court though, but when they were alone and nothing existed in the time and space except for them both, Atsumu likes to lean his weight on his brother, hands sliding lethargically but yet so enticingly over the other's hair, back, stomach, letting bare skin rub and collide in a sweating mess.

But autumn is still Osamu's favourite. Because as he watches the leaves ranging from vivid scarlet to a pale yellow dance from their branches to the ground like confetti, drifting gently in the wind in a slow motion and Atsumu is there in the middle of it all, blending into the solemn earthy colours yet standing out, like the subject of an exquisite painting. 

It should be illegal to be that beautiful, Osamu thinks. They may have the same face, the same body, the same constitution, but if you observe closely enough, you'll be able to spot the intricate differences that make them each unique- the way Atsumu smiles and cocks his head like a smug, arrogant child and the way he laughs without a care in the world, the way the beads of sweat dripped from his face like an enticing can of cold soda fresh out from the refrigerator, his focused and earnest demeanor during volleyball training amidst that, the way his sharp, intense gaze sends shivers down his opponents' (and Osamu’s) spines, and Atsumu's constantly growing hunger for everything the world had to offer.

They were not the same, he knew that much.

Osamu bends down to plant his lips on the patch of forehead exposed from his playing with Atsumu's bleached hair. 

Ah, the hair. 

It was never his intention to colour his hair- in fact Osamu had been against it, reasoning that it was difficult to maintain and damaging to the hair, and their natural shade of black was just fine. But since when did Atsumu listen to his reasoning? As long as something’s cool, unique, flashy, out of the ordinary- it’s a definite go for him. Osamu inevitably gets dragged along with his whims with the not-exactly-invalid excuse of ‘so that it’s easier for people to tell us apart’ and coloured his hair together with his brother. 

The flashier, brighter colour of pale yellow goes to Atsumu, while his twin takes the dull, ashy gray. It suits their personalities, and it had been one of the few things they didn’t have to fight over. As time passed, Osamu hated to admit, but he started to like the colour of his hair and how it came in a fun pair with his brother’s, so he took care of it diligently and touched up his roots every now and then. 

Not anymore though, ever since his graduation from high school, he let his hair grow out and the colors went away naturally. But it’s okay like that. Just watching from his humble position in the background as Atsumu chased his dreams in the limelight with everything he had was enough. They were still together.

  
  


Upon the feeling of something soft touching his forehead, Atsumu’s eyelids flutter open, just like sleeping beauty, and Osamu allows a lazy smile to grace his lips.

"It wasn't even on the lips."

"Hmm?"

Atsumu shifted, causing the thick blankets that enveloped them both in a cosy nest to be carried along with his movements.

"Mmm." Osamu cupped his brother's face in his hand to brush his thumb lovingly over tender skin and growing stubble. With another fond smile he leans in for another kiss, this time connecting both their lips. Atsumu's were cold, just like the rest of his body that just woke up from the slumber seconds ago.

"'Samu..." His name was muttered between blissful hot breaths, through a pair of cold lips, and it made every muscle in his body tingle. Osamu draws closer to entangle his legs with his brother's and runs his hands over Atsumu's bare back, then allows himself to indulge a little and reaches lower to massage the soft, smooth skin of a firm, perky ass.

The feeling of skin against skin was the best. They were identical, with the same face and body, they came in a pair. Everything fit just so perfectly together like a plug to a socket, there wasn't a thing that was out of place; they knew the other's bodies and preferences inside out the same way they knew themselves. There was no one who could replace any of them. If one of them were missing, the other wouldn't be able to exist either. It's both, or nothing.

With a husky purr, Atsumu tangles his fingers in his brother’s jet black locks that were now softer and less frizzy than his due to being spared from the harsh chemicals of hair dye. They needed to be closer. No matter how close they were, Atsumu wasn’t satisfied- it’s not enough. Sometimes it felt as if they started out as one from the beginning and fate split them in two. That’s why they long for each other so much, that even when they were crushing each other and the properties of matter wouldn’t let them get any closer, they still didn’t feel close enough. It will never be enough, until they join and become one.

Everything was so wrong, but nothing felt more right for the twins.

In this world of order, justice, fairness, meritocracy, each of them would do perfectly fine on their own. Astumu has prodigious talent, though maybe not the way Kageyama does, but his hunger and determination and effort outshines everyone else. Osamu is colder, more calculative, and rational. He might not be as headstrong as his brother but he has plenty of ability and discipline to achieve what he wants. In the pragmatic world they lived in, they were considered above average, successful individuals. One was a professional athlete, the other was an owner of an F&B chain; charming twins who made their parents proud. 

But also in the same cruel world they live in, people aren't as accepting to individuals who fall out of the norm- the norm was the law.

When they were ten, celebrating their birthdays together as usual, Atsumu said something that made their mother frown and dragged him out for a serious talk. 

The twins' birthday celebrations were a simple but joyous yearly occasion that saw the attendance of close friends and relatives- their parents were always proud to show off the beautiful pair to others; the parties were really just an excuse to boast about their children, now that Osamu thinks back. 

People loved them. They were adorable, bright, well mannered children, and a joy to be with. 

For their tenth birthday, their mother baked a large peanut butter chocolate cake for the occasion, to which they both eyed eagerly. One had voted on peanut butter, while the other chocolate, so this was a pleasant compromise.

Each clasping their palms together, indulging a silent 5 seconds with closed eyes and then blowing out the ten candles on the large chocolate cake at the same time, the twins ended up bickering again about who blew out more candles, much to the amusement of their guests, who were more than pleased to baby them with a "both of you blew out the same number, five and five!", "Yes, I saw that too. Happy birthday, Osamu and Atsumu!", "What did you wish for?"

To that, Osamu said "I wished that I'll grow taller than Atsumu in the coming year."

The adults ruffled his hair with fond laughs and wished him good luck.

"What about you, Atsumu?"

The other boy was still pouting from their little dispute earlier and had his arms folded across his chest. He seemed to be... blushing? Or maybe he was still angry and about to cry, they didn't know, since Atsumu had always been the more emotional and outwardly expressive one among the two. The crowd waited eagerly for him to fidget, stare at the chocolate chips that lined the edges of the cake, probably thinking about how appetising they looked and the delicious sound they'd make crushed between his molars, only to huff out a "Not telling! Wishes don't come true if ya tell!" And proceeded to stick his tongue out at Osamu.

"Awwhh!" They ruffled the cute pouting child's hair as well and squeezed his cheek. "Don't say that! Osamu-kun, you can get taller than your brother if you eat and exercise more, so don't give up!"

That happened, but as the guests were eating and chatting, Atsumu ran to his mother who was getting some drinks out from the kitchen.

"Mom!" He grinned brightly with a pinkish blush, pulling on her sleeve so she crouched down to his height. "I'll tell ya my wish, only you, mom, so keep it a secret!"

His mother smiled at him so lovingly like any parent would to their sweet child, with eyes that narrowed to blissful, happy slits, but her expression switched to the exact opposite of that upon hearing her son whisper those naive, repulsive words into her ear.

"I want to marry Osamu nii-chan when I grow up."

Atsumu didn't stay long enough to see the horror on his mother's face, because he scampered off out of the kitchen, back to join his brother and the guests and talking with them happily about school and friends and life. Birthdays were a wonderful thing, one of the many things he shared with his brother, and they were the center of everything and everyone. The two of them, together.

After the party had ended and the guests left one by one with friendly waves and birthday blessings, mother pulled Atsumu to the shared room between him and his brother and closed the door. It was just him, he noted, and when he asked where Osamu was, she told him he was downstairs helping his father with the cleaning up. On her darkened face he sensed dread, worry, anger, and that slight bit of disgust. He stares back, not understanding why.

"Atsumu." As whenever she wanted to look at him in the eyes with a serious discussion in mind, she kneeled down to reach his eye level, trying to maintain a calm demeanor but her shaking voice betrayed her.

"Is it true? What you told me about your wish?"

"Yes?" He blinked, confusion showing on his face, and then quickly replaced by fluster. "Don't tell Osamu!"

He thought maybe her mother would laugh like she always did and tease him, but what he was seeing was something completely different; something he wasn't used to. Her gaze was sharp and cold, eyes blank, lips curved downwards in distaste. He could almost see a grimace.

What's wrong with what he said? It was just a casual thought that rolled off his tongue without having gone through much processing in his brain. What's the big deal? Why's it making his mother so upset?

"You can't marry him, my baby Atsumu."

"Why?"

"Marriage happens between people who love each other."

"But I love him?"

"Love between family is different. And boys don't love each other. Romantic love only happens between boys and girls. It's not right to love boys, and it's not right to marry your brother."

"Huh? But..." He trailed off. Since when was there such a rule?

"See, your daddy's a guy, and mommy's a girl. Have you ever seen anyone whose parents are of the same gender?"

He shakes his head.

"And you love mommy, don't you?"

"Yes!" He nods.

"But you can't marry mommy, because we're family. So, you can't marry Osamu, because he's family too."

"Oh, really..."

"You must've gotten your feelings confused with brotherly love. I won't tell Osamu, so get over it quickly, alright?"

Atsumu pouted, vertical wrinkles appearing between his brows, but nodded anyway. The 'talk' was over.

  
  


That's what he said and all, but he told Osamu about it all in the end. No matter how embarrassing or how much he said he wanted to keep something secret, there really was no way he could hide anything from his brother, you know? They're together 24/7, they know each other inside out from their likes and dislikes to gross habits like leaving used socks in their room. They're the only ones they can talk to freely, the only ones who really, really understands them, unlike their classmates' attempts at empathetic remarks of "I get how you feel."

Osamu, in turn, tells him about the conversation between their parents in the kitchen that he overheard when he was going to bring the plates back to the sink.

Father was asking mother about how something went with Atsumu, to which she replied "He's just confused. Children like to say stupid things like that, he'll grow out of it."

"What happened to Atsumu?" He opened the sliding door to the kitchen with plates in his hands only to see their parents jolt and gasp at his entrance, their mother almost dropping the glass of water in her hand.

"O-Osamu!" She pecked him on the forehead and took the plates from him. "Thank you for helping out, you can go and wash up now. Your brother should be coming out of the shower soon."

Being the young, curious child he was, Osamu tilted his head and opened his mouth to ask again, but this time his father ruffled his hair and carried him up to spin him around, making the both of them laugh dizzily. "Happy birthday, Osamu. It's your birthday, but don't stay up too late. Go on now."

With that, the ten year old turned his back to them and bounded off to his- and his brother's- room.

"At least Osamu's normal for sure." They sighed.

Was it a sin to love your brother?

Was it a sin to love another man?

As Osamu held his brother's hand in his, staring into the other's eyes, he saw a reflection of himself, just like looking into a mirror. Those taboo thoughts and emotions that grew in his brother also grew in him. It’s a little scary when you thought you were looking at yourself, but then realising that it’s your brother, your other half, who was equally twisted, and then wondering if both of you were one person after all.

These feelings that have made their appearance in Atsumu’s heart were definitely real. But the world wants them to be false, to be just a passing whim of a child who knew nothing about love. It's not real, children don't understand, he's been with his twin all his life so he that's why he's saying that, he's going to realise it when he gets older and feel embarrassed for even saying that in the first place, he'll grow up a fine man and marry and beautiful lady and have adorable offspring that take after him. 

But these feelings are as real as the air they breathe in and the sunlight that supports life on earth, not something that will disappear at will. As Osamu clutched his brother’s hand, he felt his heart throb painfully and wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around his mirror image, and so he did.

"I understand how you feel." Osamu tells him.

* * *

Growing up was fun, but tough. "I love my brother" was a positive statement that attracted sweet, sometimes even envious looks. Must be nice to have a twin sibling, they said.

"He's beautiful, I want to touch him" made their expressions tweak every so slightly and drew an uncomfortable air about them. Unkind eyes burned their skin, branding them with the ugly terms of incest and homosexuality.

In school they didn't explicitly teach the unspoken rules and customs of society, so they had to figure it out themselves by observation, and trial and error.

Hugs were okay, even when they held on for a little longer than normal, because they were brothers and brothers supported each other like that. 

Holding hands was not. Why? Even though the physical contact was but a fraction of that of a hug, the symbolic meaning of it was much deeper. You could hold hands with your parents, your lover, your children, your friends sometimes- it always seemed more acceptable for female friends to hold each others’ hands as a friendly gesture, but not for too long either. Holding hands with your brother only works when you’re young. After the age of ten, please avoid that.

Kissing, they didn't need to try it to know the kind of reaction it garners from onlookers. It was taboo.

So they did well to behave themselves in public. They behaved themselves at home in front of their parents, whom they managed to fool into thinking that Atsumu's confession when he was ten was nothing more than a confused child's banter. They worked hard and achieved results, did their best at school and at their volleyball club, because society doesn't need useless people, much less people who strayed from the norm.

But behind the closed doors of either one of the brothers' rooms- their parents had gone through the trouble of clearing up another room in the house so they could each have one room to themselves- they were free from the prying eyes for a brief moment, a temporary safe haven. Only when both parents were out on business trips, did they allow themselves to indulge in their sins, to savour the fraction of time they could be themselves, their true selves, in each other's embrace.

* * *

After graduation and going their separate ways, with Atsumu to volleyball and Osamu to the food and beverage industry, becoming successful people of society that fit into the norm, their parents were proud. Though Osamu giving up volleyball was a difficult thing for Atsumu to come to terms with. 

_Why?_ Even though they were always together, why did Osamu decide to leave him alone now? It took him a while, but he accepted that it wasn't goodbye, but simply the both of them going down the paths that they really wanted, it didn't mean they had to separate. There was no way they could separate.

Their parents were happy to hear about their life decisions and set career paths. Or at least, they thought that the twins were focused on their career and Atsumu shared a rented apartment near the Black Jackal's training facility with some of his teammates, while Osamu lived in the shop house on the floor above Onigiri Miya. Well...it wasn't a complete lie.

Atsumu did rent an apartment near his workplace, but not together with his teammates. Why should he when MSBY shoves wads of cash in his face every month?

And Osamu did have a little shop house above his onigiri store, just that other than to store overflowing supplies and bento boxes, he didn't use it much; it was more of a vacation residence more than anything, despite it being right above his store. Maybe during a short break on off peak hours he'd throw himself on the bed for a few minutes while his staff handled things downstairs, and during weekends he'd sometimes host gatherings and private parties for his highschool friends there, but other than that, no. 

He lives together with Atsumu in his classy apartment in the middle of town, which was about a 20 minute walk from his store.

In the early stages Osamu actually convinced his brother to stay at the shop house with him, since he already had the space when he rented the entire place for Onigiri Miya and it was enough for the both of them. Convenient for Osamu’s work, and relatively near the Jackal’s training facility.

But then the problem came when their parents visited during the holiday season and asked to stay at Osamu's place, since staying at Atsumu's apartment 'shared with his teammates' clearly wasn't an option. Clearly, staying at an inn wasn't an option for his parents either, Osamu retorts silently in his mind, but they were his parents and he knew that he couldn't have refused them, neither did he have a good reason to. 

_You’re staying alone in that huge apartment, surely there’s a spare room for us?_

_Oh, One room’s for ‘Tsumu, I take another, well we do sleep together but we need space sometimes, and the remaining room’s been converted to a study, all that’s left is the couch in the living._ -Yeah fuck, right.

So Osamu's place became a holiday house for his parents to bunk in when they visited. He even kept some spare clothes and most of his work uniform there, as well as archived paperwork on his desk so it looked like there was someone living there. So that their well structured lie to their parents about living separately could be upheld but honestly, how big a deal was it for brothers to live together? Maybe at their age it was normal to be living alone or with a partner, and their parents- while seeming to have accepted that their children were straight and proper, probably picked up on signs that hinted otherwise, that the twins didn't manage to hide.

Like the way Atsumu stares at his brother a fraction of a second longer than necessary when they interacted, the way Atsumu's voice changes just half a semitone higher only for his brother, and the worst of all were the looks they exchanged discreetly when they found that both their parents would be away for work at the same time.

_My children are normal._ Perhaps their parents innately knew that there's something beyond pure brotherly love, but swept away the thoughts in denial. After all, their cute sons were doing well in life, maintained a proper public image, and any mention of the Miya twins always brought a pleasant ring to everyone's ears. It wasn't necessary to bring up the issue ever again.

Osamu complained about how it was a waste of money to rent another apartment just for the sake of accomodating to their parents' holiday visits, though it was more because he didn't get to live right above his store when he could have and Osamu had always been a lazy little thing. But for ‘Tsumu, he'll compromise. Not that he could stand being apart from him for that long either.

* * *

That was how they ended up in the present, both of them at exactly the same age of 25, sharing one apartment, one bed, one space. They lived two different lives, but each one of them lived in the other's heart.

Osamu never did grow taller than his brother. Atsumu didn't manage to marry his brother either. Was it because they didn’t keep their wishes a secret? Who knows.

But just staying like this, it's enough.

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's incest and all, I'm sorry (not really). Had a really bad craving for these two though urghh. If you're unholy like me, which I assume you are since you've come to the end, yay, give me a hi-five! *nervous laughs*


End file.
